As you all know, I work with people in grief all the time. It is especially hard for people who are grieving to get through the
holidays. Several people I know have lost family at this holiday time so it is the anniversary of a death instead of a cause for celebration.
Some deceased advise their living loved ones to go somewhere else for the holidays, where nothing will be the same or compare to a holiday before the loved ones death.
Another deceased woman hoped that her three daughters would get together, even though they are spread across the country. I understood that she wanted them to feel family even though they were orphans now.
One mother advised her daughter to keep focused on the living. It was as if, even in the meditation, she turned her daughter’s shoulders back to her family and asked her to focus on them instead of on her.
I don’t hear the deceased feeling like they are left out of the holidays. They are right there, and if it helps I advise clients to set a place of honor for them at the table. One Mom puts our gummy bears on the mantle for her son. Another Mom places long stem roses in her daughter’s stocking.
It is a season to honor the family no longer with us, but also to turn toward the living we still have here and love them, as well as ourselves, as best we can.
This will be my first Christmas without any parent, and it feels as if something is missing all right. But we will form different rituals this year, with friends as dear as family who also share our cheer. Perhaps Chinese food and a movie… We still have a few weeks to decide.
My best wishes to all of you
Gretchen
HowSpiritWorks.com
Uncategorized | No Comments »